He no longer desires the anguish of transient emotions,
But the comfort of constant Love.
The pearlfisher has wept many tears,
Bitter drops in sobs of self-loathing.
Each dive brings more anguish;
Each crawl to shore more regret.
“What am I seeking?” he asks.
“A phantasm, a white spectre,
A pearl buried in the depths of my own hate.
Even now I can see her glimmer in the utter blackness. Yet
When I dive into those frigid waters
I cannot find her, and losing my breath
I resurface, gasping for air before a starless night.
I half-believe in her and if she does exist
Is she faithless?
Betrothed to another, a whore, or worse,
A witch!
“I know she’s a witch. Her emerald eyes
Have robbed me of peace. I am mad
If not with her. I am nothing without her.
She holds my heart and with it
The Key to unravel this mystery.
A shroud remains over
Our untold memories,
Secrets of revelry (reverie?)
Shared in ancient monuments to my glory.”
He thinks of her and looks out upon the endless expanse;
Black ooze in waves keep him entranced.
He must dive again.
Water dripping from his body, stinging, frigid.
The Afanc wail from the deep in the dark,
A race of cruel demons, beasts with the mark.
Yet a sparkle catches his eye,
A candle in the darkness,
Deep under waters of drowning sadness.
& something from within, something unbidden,
Uncoiling from the unconscious, like a red dragon,
Possessed his being until there was no thought,
Only impulse plunging him into the abyss.
& now the stinging cold
Threatens to dull the senses
Until the quiet stillness of sloth.
He gives in.
Lets it work upon his brain
Until he floats aimlessly.
Ignorance is bliss.
& yet it is death, and worse than death,
Being nothing.
The voice of the Rose came through
With words that are true:
“Magus, you need no one for all is in you.
Go forth without fear. To be is to do.”
He pulls out from his stupor and realizes the witch
Had placed him in a trance with a lover’s kiss.
Out of breath he scrambles to the surface,
Pulls himself out before the Afanc take notice.
“If anyone knows in this world it is me,
About Thor Ballylee and the Goddess Three,
Of the elvish dance and the demons’ jig,
Of a glorious age in old Celliwig,
Of Yngur’s illusion, of Manos our King,
Seek near or seek far I shall find Her within.
“That sparkle in the depths of my hate is a dream
An illusion sent by that merciless Fiend
Who uses the mind to prey on the soul
& only in silence releasing that hold.
I realize then that the search is in vain
For you cannot find what’s already ingrained
But seek to unleash it with what’s in your heart,
That terrible struggle: pursuing your Art.
“So now I can see I was never alone.
The duke of twelve battles but never a throne.
The heir of a magick as ancient as stone.
The Red Dragon’s roar on a heap of men’s bones.
The voice of the Lamb in an age now forlorn.
The pearlfisher’s dive, Poimandres reborn.
All of these I was, am and will be
Thanks to the grace of the Goddess Three.
& if I obey this sanctity,
I will learn that the pearl that I seek is within me.”
Gracious the lesson, more gracious the gift
Given to him with a lover’s kiss.
This pearlfisher bard now goes forth with a Key
To unlock the seal number seven with bliss.
The veil now lifted his book once complete,
So bitter in stomachs but sweet on the lips,
Engenders in men that love for the pearl
That they had forgotten makes the Spirit whole.
The feminine divine at your fingertips.
This was the Salvation our Lord meant to teach.
& now she comes of his rib as before,
A woman complete ‘cause she tires no more
Of having to hold up the burden of man,
Of controlling the meek simply because she can,
But having no purpose, desire or mind,
Is grateful for life and what she can find,
In tune with herself and the mystery unseen
In an age when the veil’s removed. The Obscene
Become good, the Self-righteous are marked.
Amarantus recalls every shining Soul Spark.
& now that it’s possible for things to be done,
She draws him to her, her & him, they are one.
As was meant to be from the very start,
Two minds, two souls born of the same heart.
This transformation from the pearl within
Will turn back the clock on original sin.
That’s what the voice of the Rose meant to say:
She’s inside of you: let her come out and play.
A gleam across the waste now appears
Burning blue, the true light, so far, so near;
A sea of glass these waters now form,
A stillness, for life is born of the foam.
Yet Soul Sparks come straight from the source Amarantus,
To which they must return one day,
& all they have to guide them’s a phantom.
The gates of Death are the only way
Into the eternal realm of bliss,
Where the righteous men go who resist
The pain and suffering caused by Satan’s elite,
The agony of love when Lilith bares her teeth.
Bloodied and scarred these men need relief
& they’ll find it, when our Lord frees the meek.
She appears, splendid in her raiment,
Hair of burning lava pouring down
Over Her shoulders, silver tiara,
Diadem of the brightest stars, blinding,
Invigorating, humbling Her servants.
& I most in love of all, yet grudging
For I am not Her all like She is mine.
She spots me in the crowd of revelers,
Kneeling in tears amongst angels and men.
My chin is uplifted by her fingers
& I see: “Yes, it’s Her! She is Goddess!
She has spared me for this splendid moment
At the Gates of Death where She chooses us
Each according to our hearts’ true desire
To sail on Her boat to Amarantus:
Life, Resurrection, Joy, Eternal Song.”
My tears cannot be hid, in vain I try.
Her green eyes penetrate my mind and soul.
These words She spoke without Her lips moving:
“You will have command over your world.” And I
Stood in Stonehenge flooded in sea water.
A great pillar of water surging up
Into dark oblivion. I, afraid,
Knew my time had not come, for She desired
That I tell Her story long forgotten
In the annals of mankind’s religions.
Only a man who loved Her completely
Could face the pounding waves of mankind’s hate
With no hope but faith in Amarantus.
& so I accepted Her charge in sooth
With heavy heart and some consolation
That my place by Her is secure so long
As I pull through and repay my soul’s bond.
Her final words burned into my Spirit:
“You’re my Pearlfisher Bard; I, your Goddess,
Nyykys Elia En Amarantus."
